FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

Sharing Ideas

1.       What is the difference between a feeling and emotion?

2.       What gives you positive / negative emotions?

3.       Which of your feelings do you let other people know about? Which do you keep to yourself?

4.       Why do you think people cry?

5.       If you feel like crying, do you let yourself cry or do you try to restrain the tears?

6.       What is the stereotype of the Belarusian?

7.       What does our culture tell us about handling our emotions?

8.       What happens to feelings we don't express?

9.       What may anger that you don't express to others become?

10.     How can fears that you keep to yourself affect your life?

11.     What may hurts and disappointments that you've never cried over turn into?

Expressing your feelings

While emotions are associated with bodily reactions and hormones released by the brain, feelings are the conscious experience of emotional reactions. Emotions are a quick reaction to any situation. Feelings (for example, love) persist for a long time and usually it is not so easy to change or get rid of them.

All people feel different feelings and emotions in their everyday life. When we are happy the world seems to be a friendly place, while when we are irritated everything looks hostile and sad.

Sometimes it's a good thing to say what you feel. At other times it's better to keep quiet about your feelings. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what it is you do feel. At other times feelings are so strong they seem to overwhelm you. All of us experience a wide range of emotions in our lives. Usually, that's a good thing. But sometimes we have difficulty controlling our emotions. Here are some helpful suggestions for handling your emotions.

• Be honest with yourself.

•Talk to somebody about your feelings.

• Don’t ignore your emotions, they are telling you something.

• If you are having an unpleasant feeling, think of something you can do that will help, and then do it.

• Find positive ways to express anger that are not hurtful to others.

• Remember, whatever you are feeling, you're not alone.

• Try not to get overwhelmed, things usually improve.

• If you do get overwhelmed - ask for help.

Controlling or letting feelings out

We grow up in a culture which tells us that it's good to control our feel­ings. We learn that it's best to restrain our warmth, our tears and our anger. But is it? What happens to feelings you don't express? Тhey don't just disappear. They con­tinue to exist under the surface and affect the way you feel and behave.

Anger that you don't express to others can become anger that you turn against yourself. Fears that you don't talk about may make you timid in all things. You may put on a brave front but inside you're fearful and anxious. Hurts and disappointments that you've never cried over may make you protect yourself hard against any possible new hurt and become over­cautious about getting close to others.

How do you show your feelings?

1. ANGER

When you feel angry, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

1. Raising your voice or shouting at the person you are angry with.
2. Explaining quietly why you are angry.
3. Trying not to be angry (perhaps because you think it’s wrong or unfair).
4. Telling yourself you’ve not really got anything to be angry about.

2. FEELING SAD OR UPSET

When you feel sad or upset, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a. Crying about it to someone else.

2. Talking to a friend about what’s upset you.
3. Going away and crying on your own.
4. Telling yourself you don’t really feel sad or upset or that you’ve not really got anything to feel sad or upset about.

3. FEELING FRIGHTENED OR WORRIED

When you feel frightened or worried, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a. Trembling, shaking or crying as you tell someone how you feel.

2. Talking to a friend about the things that are frightening or worrying you.
3. Going away on your own and crying about it or feeling bad.
4. Telling yourself you don’t really feel frightened or worried or that you’ve not really got anything to feel so about.

4. FEELING EMBARRASSED OR ASHAMED

When you feel embarrassed or ashamed, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a. Laughing in embarrassment as you try to explain someone why you feel embarrassed or ashamed.

2. Telling a friend later about how you felt embarrassed or why you felt so ashamed.
3. Wishing the floor would open so that you could disappear from sight.
4. Pretending you’re not in the least embarrassed or ashamed and putting an arrogant face.

5. FEELING HAPPY

When you feel happy, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a. Laughing and smiling, telling someone how you feel.

2. Analyzing to yourself or others the reasons why you’re happy.
3. Going around with an inner glow.
4. Telling yourself this can’t last, it’s not really true or it’s not right to be happy when others aren’t.

6. FEELING DISGUST OR DISLIKE

When you feel disgust or dislike, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a.  Screwing up your face as you say what you feel.

2. Telling a friend how much you dislike or feel disgust about something.
3. Controlling your disgust or dislike.
4. Pretending that nothing’s happened, ignoring the things or people that make you feel this way.

7. FEELING WARMTH OR AFFECTION FOR OTHERS

When you feel warmth or affection for others, which of the following reactions would be most typical of you?

a. Touching, holding, embracing, kissing other people.

2. Talking to a friend about the way you feel.

5. Deciding not to express how you feel, perhaps because you’re afraid you might get hurt.
6.  Telling yourself it’s sentimental to feel like this about people and pushing the feelings away.

DO YOU:

Express feelings directly?

The a statements show ways in which feelings can be expressed directly. You feel something and you show it.

Talk about them?

The b statements show ways in which feelings can be expressed by talking about them. Talking about your feelings can help you to understand what you feel. You can get support.

Keep them to yourself?

The c statements are about trying to control your feelings. You may not want to make yourself vulnerable before others. Or you may decide that expressing your feelings would be destructive. If you always keep your feelings to yourself, however, you may find that they start to come out in other ways.Deny them?

The c statements are about the ways of denying your feelings. You may think they’re not nice. Or you may be frightened. Again, these denied feelings may emerge in other ways.