Why do people talk to each other? When we talk, it is because we have a thought, idea or feeling that we want to share with someone. We talk so as to become acquainted, build relationships, express emotions to others, share information and persuade others to understand our personal views. In order to have communication, both listening and speaking are necessary.

ACTIVE LISTENING

       When asked to define communication, most people describe the techniques used to express what they think, feel, want, etc. — namely talking, writing or body language. However, when you confront difficult issues, listening is more important than speaking or any other form of expression.

       To improve communication, recognize the importance of listening and make listening a key part of your group's culture. Active listening has several benefits:

• It saves time because you cut through people's defenses and get more information without having to repeat the same conversation over and over.
• It helps you assess a situation accurately.
• It helps speakers clarify what they are saying and makes them feel heard.
• It reduces emotions that block clear thinking.

Everyone can learn the art of active listening. The key to listening effectively is relaxed attention—listen with your whole body by using verbal and nonverbal skills like facing the person and maintaining eye contact. Try to be at ease and avoid interrupting the speaker.

1. Find the words in the text that mean the following:

2. Summarize the text using the key words.

3. Discussion.

1. Is listening the same as hearing?
2. What do you think is more important listening or speaking?
3. What nonverbal skills can be used for active listening?
4. Do you agree that the key to listening effectively is relaxed attention?

DIRECT, ASSERTIVE EXPRESSION

     If half of the equation in communicating is active listening, the other half is speaking and expressing what you think, feel or want in a clear, true and nondefensive way. Be clear about what you want, and what you are willing to give.

     When expressing yourself, use "I" statements. Using "I" statements lets you share what you think or feel without sounding like you are blaming or attacking. These statements communicate your preferences and keep you responsible for your part in the exchange.

     For example, here are three comments you might say or hear, followed by alternative "I" statements in italics:

"You know that's not right." "I see it differently than you do."

"You are really irritating me." "I'm feeling really irritated right now."

"You're not listening to me." "I don't feel heard."

Give the summary of the text using the key terms as prompts.

MAIN STEPS IN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

 Answer the questions.

1. What are the main steps in effective communication?
2. Which step can be omitted?
3. How can we show your readiness to listen?
4. Why do we need to paraphrase, repeat what the speaker is saying in our own words?
5. Why should we ask for help when you get lost in a conversation?
6. How to make sure you understand the speaker's intent?
7. In what cases can we give our opinion?

 Summarize the main points and give tips for effective listening.

     Have you ever wished you could read someone’s mind? Well, you can, just by picking up the unconscious messages their body gives you.

     Do you know that 93 per cent of our communication with others is non-verbal? What we actually say makes up only 7 per cent of the picture! That’s what US scientist Ray Birdwhistell found out when he began to study body language back in the 1950s. He filmed conversations and then played them back in slow motion to examine gestures, expressions and posture. When he noticed the same movements happening again and again, he realized that the body can talk too!

     We use our bodies to send messages all the time. We nod instead saying ‘Yes”, shrug our shoulders to mean ‘I don’t know”, or raise our eyes to show surprise.

     But even when we don’t want other people to know how we’re feeling, our body language can give us away. It’s not difficult to find out what someone is really thinking – and they won’t even know it! The way we sit or stand, the expression on our face can reveal far more than words. But many of us miss these important signals, because we don’t know what to look out for. Here are some useful tips.

     How can you tell if a friend is fibbing to you? They’ll often start blushing. They’re embarrassed because they know they are not telling the truth. They’ll probably look away while they’re talking as well. That’s because our eyes can reveal what we’re thinking, even if we’re saying the opposite out loud.

     Boys tend to look at the ground when they’re lying, while girls look at the ceiling. If they put a hand over their mouth, it’s another signal they’re trying to cover up the lie.

     Imagine you’re asking your teacher for a few more days to finish your homework. As you talk, she starts rubbing her ear. This is a signal that she doesn’t want to hear what you’re saying – so forget it.

     Remember putting both hands over your ears as a child to block out your parents’ words? Someone who folds their arms tightly across their chest is sending a similar signal. We use folded arms as a defensive barrier to protect ourselves when we feel nervous or think someone is criticizing us. So, if you’re making a point in a discussion, and the others fold their arms, you’d better give up! They are shutting your ideas out and you won’t convince them – even if they say they agree with you.

     Have you begun to understand how body language works? Now you can use it to your own advantage. Follow these tips, and you could become the most popular student in the school! You’ve met someone who you’d like to get to know better. Look them in the eyes – it shows you’re sincere. When they’re talking, lean slightly forward towards them and tilt your head on one side. This gives the message ‘I’m interested and I’m paying attention.” Imitate their gestures. If they cross their legs, do the same. But be careful! Don’t be too obvious or they’ll think you’re making fun of them.

     Even though body language is common to everybody, there are still some cultural differences. To avoid any communication problems, it’s a good idea to learn these if you want to travel abroad and make friends with people from another culture.

 Find the words in the text that mean the following:

Common expressions with parts of the body:

shake hands, blow your nose, fold your arms, bite your nails, comb your hair, bend your knees,

keep your back straight

What do these idioms mean? Match each idiom on the left with the correct definition on the right:

ANGER—EXPRESSING IT AND RECEIVING IT

While working in group settings, you are bound to encounter conflicts and feelings of anger. Anger is one of the least understood emotions. It can provide information and stimulate energy that can be used positively. It is important to understand that other emotions, such as pain, fear, despair or frustration are often expressed as anger.

            Here are some things to remember when you are angry:

• Use "I" statements.
• Talk about yourself first: "I feel frustrated..." This avoids making the listener defensive.
• Be descriptive: let listeners know exactly what situation you feel angry about.
• Avoid judgments. Using words such as "better," "worst," or "should" makes listeners defensive. Similarly, exaggeration can cause them to argue about the exaggeration rather than about the real issue.

Receiving another person's anger can be challenging. Here are ways to make it easier:

• Understand your own anger or emotions and how they ought to affect your response.
• Acknowledge the thoughts, ideas or feelings of the other person. When you show interest, an angry person often starts to relax.
• Rephrase what you heard the person say. The angry person won't be receptive to your response until his or her thoughts, ideas or feelings are communicated and understood.
• Get agreement on what the issue is.
• Invite the other person to join you in addressing the issue.
• Take action and follow up.
• If the other person is not receptive to reaching an agreement or acting with civility, let it go and disengage from the interaction.

Find the words in the text that mean the following:

встретиться, столкнуться; окружение, окружающая обстановка; обеспечивать; отчаяние; оборонительный, защищающий; описательный; оценка, приговор; преувеличение, ухудшение; получать; допускать, признавать; перефразировать; ответ, отклик; обращать, задумываться;

объединиться; вежливость, любезность; освобождать, выходить из боя; взаимодействие

Positive emotions vs negative emotions

 Apathy, grief, fear, hatred, shame, blame, regret, resentment, anger, hostility.

 Interest, enthusiasm, boredom, laughter, empathy, action, curiosity.

 Make the following statements as True (T) or False (F).

1. You can encounter conflicts and feelings of anger everywhere.

2. Anger is well understood emotion.

3. Anger is a negative feeling.

4. Pain, fear, despair, frustration are the same feelings.

5. We should talk about your feelings first.

6. Use judgments.

7. When you show interest, an angry person starts to relax.

8. Invite the other person to join you in discussing the issue.

 Speak out. What do you think?

1. Why is anger the least understood emotion?

2. Pain, fear, despair and frustration are often expressed as anger. Why?

3. What negative emotions do you know?

4. Why should we avoid judgments?

5. Why do you think it’s so difficult to receive another person's anger?

 BLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

• Me-too-ism, such as, "That's nothing, let me tell you what happened to me!" These statements make the speaker feel unheard.

• Moralizing, preaching, being judgmental. Recognize that the speaker may say something that offends your value system.
• Set aside the judgment so you can listen.
• Asking a direct question to satisfy your curiosity. The speaker will share more information when and if ready.
• Giving advice. Consolation comments, such as "It's going to be all right."
• Arguing or disagreeing with the speaker.
• Analyzing or interrupting.

Explain the meaning of the following phrases from the text

me-too-ism, to make the speaker feel unheard, to offend one’s value system, to set aside, consolation comments, to satisfy one’s curiosity

What other blocks to effective communication do you know?

Could you give your own examples of situations and adult responses.

What is your idea of effective communication? (10 sentences)